hirschcat

WHAT I MADE TODAY

2011-09-02T07:19:00.001-07:00

My own version of Bjork's infamous swan dress!

What happened to the 90 minute film?

2011-08-21T16:55:00.000-07:00

I finally watched Inglorious Basterds and I enjoyed it, but not enough for me to watch it again. Why? Its too bloody long!! The acting was great, as was the plot, but I'm sorry, 154 minutes is just too much. It is exhausting for my eyes and it wears me out. Two and half hours is a big commitment!

And don't even get me started on Clint Eastwood's films...The Changeling had me bawling, partly because the story is just so horrific, but mainly because IT NEVER ENDS!

Abercrombie and Fitch's squeaky clean image is being tarnished...

2011-08-20T15:03:00.000-07:00

..by the most famous Guidos and Guidettes! Abercrombie and Fitch are actually planning to pay the cast of Jersey Shore NOT to wear their clothing since their 'luxury' brand may be degraded by the seemingly unworthy louts!!

Anybody want to start a rival company where we pay even more second-rate celebs to wear the attire of this sickeningly pretentious brand? (Just to piss A&C off even more - Jordie Shore perhaps?)

I rarely feel the need to defend the Jersey shore cast, actually I have NEVER felt the need to defend them...but in this case, I will. They have as much right to wear ridiculously overpriced clothing as anybody else goddamnit! If one of them wants to pay $60 for a cotton t shirt then Abercrombie and Fitch better be thanking their lucky stars that people still feel the need to over spend for a label.

I really hope MTV and the Jersey shore reject A&C's offer. But just incase the snooty clothing dictators succeed, here's Mike-The-Situation in some Abercrombie shit...

2011-08-20T08:44:00.000-07:00

It's hard to pretend that you are a studious academic when your weekly timetable only contains seven hours of teaching. And its even harder to hand your money over to your university when you do the math on your fees....ouch!

2011-08-12T16:03:00.000-07:00

Chris Moyles is a smug tit.

2011-08-11T18:53:00.000-07:00

It gives me an enormous sense of pride to be on the wall of fame of my kingston kebab shop. Next challenge: Dallas Chicken.

Is The Hour worth The Hour?

2011-07-26T17:24:00.000-07:00

I am still yet to be enticed by 'The Hour'. The first episode was both dull and confusing (which I have to admit is a difficult feat to conquer), and the second episode didn't offer much relief either. I got to know the characters a little better but this was not necessarily a good thing because they are all quite annoying.

The three main characters are too cliche; the strong female in the man's world (Ramola Garai), the older handsome charmer (Dominic West) and the young bright journalist keen to expose the truth where others dare not (Ben Wishaw - he's dishy too). And the script is just sooo poor, I mean really poor. I can see the actors just fighting their way through their words. It's painful...

There are other well known faces bopping around this series such as Julian Rhind Tutt i.e MAC from Green Wing playing a bothersome press advisor, on a mission to squash the broadcast of anything politically sensitive. Except its impossible to take a dislike to him because all I see is Dr. Macartney, one of my greatest fictional loves. Although I can hardly blame the casting directors for my obsession with Green Wing...

Its never a good sign when you begin counting the minutes while watching the tv, but despite my clock watching, I still reached the end...although coming to think of it, this was because of extended oggling time.

Ha Ha?

2011-07-22T15:09:00.000-07:00

Where are all the witty female panelists? On nearly every single tv panel show, the mandatory female seat is either filled by a bimbo for comic effect or Claudia Winkleman. Or, if you're lucky Sarah Millican, but it seems even her humour is restricted to the domain of cake...

2011-07-19T18:41:00.001-07:00

I've been without a fully functioning mobile phone for two whole days. It feels odd but also incredibly liberating not having this thing that constantly demands my attention, (although having said that it's not as if I'm bombarded with texts or calls on a regular basis). So far, so good, I am coping quite well.

However, I keep reaching into my bag every five seconds, only to remember for the 32nd time that day, that there is no phone to check, and having a slight panic as a result. The issue seems to be that there is no longer an immediate distraction for my thumbs. Now I have no choice but to twiddle them as I sit on the train, and glare at fellow passengers as they stare into the screens of their blackberrys and iPhones with such sincerity that I nearly believe they are contemplating an issue of great importance...and not just checking their facebooks.

What is the Meaning of Life?

2011-07-11T17:09:00.000-07:00

Many have tackled this complexing question and Terrence Malick's new film 'Tree of Life' prompted me to cite the greatest attempts made by individuals to grasp THE MEANING OF LIFE.

Right...Top 3:

3. Monty Python's Meaning of Life (naturally)

2. Hitchhiker's Guide to Meaning

1. Bill Hicks

2011-06-22T06:19:00.000-07:00

MUST STOP PROCRASTINATING

Is Gender Neutrality possible??

2011-05-27T14:55:00.000-07:00

A Canadian couple's decision to keep the sex of their four month old baby secret so as to avoid society's gendered influences has left me completely torn; I don't quite know what to think. Whilst I definitely believe that gender constructions are far too oppressive in our society and too much importance is placed on whats in between somebody's legs, I can't help but worry if the impact of the parents' decision will be more negative than positive on the child. The parents are hoping that the child will freely decide its own gender, but how long will it be until this occurs, and how soon will social problems and issues start to infiltrate his/her life? (my confusion as to which pronoun to use is a prime example of how basic gender designation is) I believe that what they are attempting is too radical for one human being to deal with.

Judgement Day

2011-05-22T17:12:00.000-07:00

I am writing on Sunday 22nd, feeling pretty assured that this weekend was not my last. So sorry to all the RAPTURE followers, it seems Saturday was not in fact the day of almighty judgement. Ah well, there are plenty more days for the arrival of the apocalypse.

But oh boy, if this had been my last weekend, what a wasted one. Spending my last evening writing an essay debating whether or not 'nothing happens' in Waiting for Godot...

2011-05-20T12:34:00.000-07:00

http://issuu.com/thepulse/docs/thepulsevol17issue3

Read the Summer Issue of The Pulse!

The March of the Sluts

2011-05-09T17:20:00.000-07:00

Earlier this year, a Toronto police officer advised women to not dress like 'sluts' to avoid being sexually assaulted, and naturally women were not pleased because that is a catstrophically stupid thing to say. As a result, a number of public demonstrations known as 'slut walking', headed by the organisation 'SlutWalk' in Toronto were held, and the cause is fast-spreading. I understand the purpose of the demonstration; to make it clear that women can wear what they want, do what they want etc. But one of its main aims confuses me..to 'reclaim' the word 'slut'.

Although I fully appreciate the anger towards such an insinuation that the victim of sexual assault or rape can be blamed for the crime, I don't think reclaiming the word 'slut' should be heading the agenda. It's a patriarchal word, an offensive word and a word that should be in no way glorified. It is a pejorative word that should instead be fought against as it attaches a negativity to the kind of sexual liberty these women are trying to defend...to be continued.

The return of the Sugar Daddy

2011-05-08T13:04:00.000-07:00

Very much looking forward to the new series of the Apprentice. Nothing quite intrigues me more than the awfully disillusioned contestants the show sucks in. Each with such an unhealthy obsession for money, the group inevitably transform into a raucous pack of dogs, biting each others ears in the boardroom, yapping in their taxis and frequently producing stinking ideas in the lap of their glorious leader, Lord Sugar.

One contestant, Felicity Jackson states, "Lord Sugar will find it difficult to get a word in because I'm very chatty."

Well there's a beneficial trait if I ever did hear one.

Tom Pellereau boasts "I do personally think I have the ability to think differently from other people."

Diversity in thought is possible! Who knew...

Whilst Glenn Ward simply states "To be honest, I am pretty great." HIRE HIM IMMEDIATELY

2011-05-08T09:21:00.000-07:00

There is a paddling pool in our kitchen. Discuss

2011-05-05T10:38:00.000-07:00

Boots that have been reduced from £110 to £40 must be purchased.

Nancy would agree...

2011-04-13T08:44:00.000-07:00

So I picked up my sad neglected bass guitar today, guilty that this thirteenth birthday present had been collecting dust for so long.

I can still play 'Jesus of Suburbia'. The pursuit of the rock n roll dream isn't over yet.

Green Wing > Campus

2011-04-12T14:41:00.000-07:00

'Campus' just isn't that funny...I rather hoped it would be. It should be-it has the same team behind it that created the incredible 'Green Wing'. In this channel 4 comedy showcase the situational elements of 'Green Wing' are rehashed yet fail to have the same impact that the hospital series did. The characters and cast aren't as developed and as wonderfully eccentric as the 'Green Wing' characters and cast, and the campus setting doesn't offer as many hilarious situations. I had to switch off after half an hour, and half an hour was quite a chore which mainly involved cringing and groaning and an odd forced laugh.

Disappointing...

Wedding Craze

2011-04-12T13:53:00.000-07:00

Here is a collection of some of the most hideous Royal Wedding merchandise, or should I say 'commemorative momorabilia' (I resent that kind of branding if you couldn't already tell).

1. Add some tack to your sofa with this ugly cushion. " A wonderful memento and fabulous, iconic heirloom of the Royal Wedding for the future"-quoted from the TFL website. They have their own online shop, who knew? How much you ask? Well you have to be rather royal yourself to cough up £93.00 for this.

2. Songs include 'Love at First Sight'- Michael Buble, 'Love Changes Everything - John Barrowman, 'Eternal Flame' - The Bangles. This CD may perhaps allow you to grapple with the expanse of Will and Kate's romance. Thank the Lord for compilation CDs!

3. A Princess Catherine Doll with which you can play, display or perhaps use as a weapon like I used to do with my barbies. I must say, the likeness is quite impressive...

4. Looking for a game to keep your Royal Wedding Party guests entertained? These top trumps will take gaming to a new level - a royal level. Kate beats Princess Di in the style stakes - ouch, not really fair on Di, her fashion is inevitably a little behind.

5. And finally, safe sex. Royal Wedding condoms are essential for Will & Kate roleplay in the bedroom.

My Persuit of Happiness...

2011-04-03T15:49:00.000-07:00

...led me back to this familiar place

http://www.beedogs.com/

Favourite April Fool of today

2011-04-01T05:03:00.001-07:00

First time I took a notice of a Groupon ad.

Dear Jamie Oliver

2011-03-30T14:00:00.001-07:00

please just butt out of everything...

2011-03-19T17:16:00.001-07:00

If you ever needed visual proof that Labour chose the wrong Milliband brother, look no further than this weekend's Guardian mag. Never have I seen a man lounge so awkwardly on a sofa in my life, let alone on the cover of a magazine. The cover is so contrived that it's laughable; children's toys are scattered by his feet so as to show how relatable he is as a parent and his shirt and trouser combo encapsulates smart casual - see, he can come home from work and start playing with the kids, and sometimes he and his wife don't bother to clear up because they're so easygoing! To make matters worse for E.Mill, the article is titled with the outdated cliche, 'Welcome to my World'. This phrase tends to just come across as plain sinister nowadays, and should only be uttered by creepy teenage boys welcoming unsuspecting girls into their world of warcraft inspired chamber...The article is also accompanied by a spread of terribly posed photos of Ed in various places around his home. First, against a bookshelf, staring into space and attempting to ponder, then in his kitchen picking at a sandwich like a scared little boy, and then on his garden bench grinning like a terrified hostage (I admit this is a strange analogy but if you've seen the photo you'd understand).

As politicians go, Ed has pleasing ideas but the problem is that flicking through the article, all I saw were these overwhelmingly cringey photographs. Because looks are everything in politics. The illusion of confidence will get you everywhere.

Rebecca Black

2011-03-16T11:16:00.000-07:00

If twitter, youtube and facebook trends give us an insight into what everybody's talking about, then why is a 13 year old girl and her song about Friday heading all these trends? Rebecca Black has managed to conquer all these mediums over the last few days and has managed to accumulate 10million views on youtube for 'Friday'. Why do we even care? Poor girl is only 13 years old but she's already become a phenomenon for producing the 'worst song of all time'. But a huge part of the phenomenon is the confusion surrounding the fact that Rebecca Black is in fact a phenomenon. She is currently the no.1 trend on Twitter. What is wrong with the world??

I can only write poetry about food

2011-03-10T18:58:00.001-08:00

SONNET FOR TOAST

Marmite and butter, sit and wait

Two from the loaf, seedy brown.

Morning time - oh what a state,

Spilt tea on my dressing gown.

Toaster fuming, broken dial

Edges singed, slightly burnt,

Tea is lukewarm – this is vile;

Stood too long but lesson learnt.

No clean plates, must wash my own

Fairy liquid out of sight

Need to leave! Where’s my phone?

Spread the marmite, do it right.

But if I had a little time, I would just sit and boast

About our marriage, about our love, oh my darling toast.

Harriet's 30 Minute Meals

2011-03-06T18:08:00.000-08:00

This will take 'well under' 30 minutes to make.

Recipe 23:

Starter: Raw carrot

Main course - Marmite on toast

Dessert: Honey on toast & a classic fag - Cutter's Choice (or Golden Virginia if you're feeling fancy)

suck on that Jamie

Problem of Plagiarism

2011-03-02T14:24:00.000-08:00

I feel prompted to write about plagiarism after reading a BBC News article which PISSED ME OFF. The story of the German minister who had copied chunks of his doctorial thesis was used as a platform for a wider discussion on cheating with a strong focus on university students, which appeared to me more akin to a criticism. Part of the article read;

"Where once plagiarism might have involved extensive reading and copying by hand, now it can be as easy as Googling the subject matter and hitting Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V. From Wikipedia and other free sources to academic journal databases like JSTOR, there's a treasure trove for the would-be cheat."

It failed to recognise that although this may be a "treasure trove" for cheats, it serves as a "treasure trove" for honest students and academics too.

I think it's important to consider that whilst copying somebody else's work word for word is condemnable, accessing another person's work and extracting thoughts is essential to formulating convincing and well supported ideas. As a first year English student I have numerous resources available to me just in the results of a google search, let alone the huge scholarly library and my own University library. I am of a far greater advantage than that of a student University student writing twenty years ago.

You cannot help but draw on other people's work, this is where all great writing has came from. A good piece of writing involves a well developed idea, which can only be developed out of a dialogue and debate. This means you don't only look at the well acknowledged writings of established academics, but you also look at a site such as Wikipedia. As long as you are open to debate, it is not plagiarism to take an idea of somebody else if this is what you find most convincing. So in my opinion, it can be hugely beneficial to read the awful ideas too. The source of your idea will have stolen it off someone else back to the very beginning in the history of the specific topic. What plagiarism all comes down to is language. As long as you are able to take somebody's idea and phrase it in your own words, this is acceptable and so surely it is just a fantasy that we are capable of absolute originality. The only originality that exists is in language.

The importance and significance of a piece of work derives from the trust an author generates between themselves and the reader. It has happened throughout the history of writing. Students are not the first or for that matter the worst of writers.

Now stop bashing students and implying we are lazy cheats.

Haven't had a rant about Zane Lowe in a while...

2011-03-01T16:53:00.000-08:00

He's a bit irritating isn't he?

Working Progress...

2011-03-01T14:56:00.000-08:00

I thought I would give myself the challenge of providing as many reasons as I could for what makes 'Loose Women' so awful. Sorry ladies, just a bit of banter, i know you love the banter!!!!!!

In no particular order, my reasons are as follows;

1.The women do nothing to challenge gender stereotypes

2.The women reinforce the very worst stereotypes of women

3.The women talk about their careers assuming the people viewing are aware of what they achieved before becoming a panelist on the show when in fact it was their unsuccessful career in acting, singing, dancing or bitching that got them a slot on the worst daytime show going.

4. The women talk about benign things

5. The women are self obsessed

6. The women are ignorant

7. The women have a bad sense of humour

8. The women liberally chat about sex as if this is concrete evidence of female sexual liberation

9. The women are marketed as representative of women as a whole

10. The women stare at each male guest like a dog stares at a slab of meat and visibly drool, as if the objectification of men is some kind of feminist middle finger to the objectification of women (it's not by the way)

11.The women objectify each other

12. The women are obsessed with sexual innuendos

13. The women joke about each other's appearances and age

14. The women do not laugh, they cackle

15. The women don't even know what feminism is

16. The women have released a book, 'The Little Book of Loose Women'. Its' description;

"OK, enough is enough. You spend your life running around after everyone else and never get a minute to yourself. It’s easy to forget the things that really matter in life when you’re knee-deep in laundry and chasing the guinea pig round the garden…
Some people turn to self-help gurus or psychics, but how about some good old fashioned straight-talking from the Loose Women?
Between us we’ve seen it all – sugar daddies, toy boys, break-ups, make-ups, losing weight, choosing cake… Now we think it’s time we shared some of our pearls of wisdom, heartfelt advice and the best bits of all the funniest and most outrageous things we’ve ever said. Whittling it down wasn’t an easy task, believe us!
So set aside some you-time and indulge in our lovely little book. We hope it will be a source of laughter and comfort to women everywhere – loose or otherwise! "

17. The women constantly blabber on about losing and gaining weight.

18. The women idolise Carol for bedding a toyboy

19. The women are sponsored by Maltesers and so at each advert break there is an awful advert involving a wretchedly stupid women doing 'naughty' things because maltesers are apparently healthy and this grants women everywhere to behave badly, such as giving their husbands gone off milk, getting intimate with the clown at your child's birthday party, taunting an old man with some knomes, etc.

20. The women chat extensively about their personal lives as if it's everyone's business, or interest...

21. The women whinge and complain about political issues for which they have no solution to contribute

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

2011-02-28T16:55:00.000-08:00

Illustrated best by Ralph Steadman...

LOL

2011-02-28T15:36:00.000-08:00

I know we shouldn't laugh at a man who is quite clearly suffering from severe disintegration of the mind but.....

If you can't laugh you'll cry.

Toast

2011-02-28T15:03:00.001-08:00

Only worth knowing when verging on burnt. If it aint singed black, put it back.

Cooking tip of the day from Hirschcat.

Movie Hype

2011-02-25T06:53:00.001-08:00

In the lead up to this year's Oscars I have pondered over how this prestigious awards ceremony has a sometimes damaging effect on my cinema experience.

I love films. Who doesn't? But all too often, my expectations of a film will unnecessarily soar during this time due to a BAFTA or OSCAR nomination.

I have to admit, I'm a little scared to watch Black Swan, not only because I've been told it involves Natalie Portman extracting feathers from under her skin, but because I have heard so many amazingly spectacular reviews. It seems most likely that I will just be disappointed when I do eventually view it.

As for The King's Speech, it seems all hope is lost that the film will have the same outstanding impression it left on the critics who named it Best Film, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor, Best Supporting Actress, Best Writer, Best Creation Since Sliced Bread etc. I expect big things, really big things, and maybe it won't disappoint, but since I am so easily influenced by the opinion of others, the likelihood is that I will be yearning for a little more satisfaction.

Help...me

2011-02-24T17:02:00.000-08:00

The heavy thumping bass of East Slope visits me approximately twice a week as I lay in bed waiting to fall asleep. I am beginning to realise that it has been visiting my dreams also. I will suddenly sit upright in my bed in the fear that I was in fact standing in a dingey nightclub surrounded by drum & bass loonies, and being subjected to horrific skanking.

BOOM BOOM BOOM

Please stop, you are giving me nightmares.

Quote of the day

2011-02-21T06:34:00.003-08:00

"Believing in progress does not mean believing that any progress has yet been made."

He is just BANG on, my boy Kafka

2011-02-18T19:22:00.000-08:00

'Fashion, beauty, health, relationship and diet tips for women from the Daily Mail and Mail on Sunday.' This is the 'Femail' section of the Daily Mail, purely concerned with the most trivial of matters. After a quick browse, it occurred to me that all the stories assumed appropriate for women are so benign.

Here is a selection of headlines I immediately see on the Femail column of the Daily Mail website;

"Looking Good! Cameron Diaz gets tough with Madonna's ex Alex Rodriguez"

"Fiona Phillips: Life at GMTV became awful..I just couldn't take anymore"

"Who said Essex girls weren't bubbly? The Only Way is Essex girls go girlie in new fashion shoot"

"Fancy a leg wax as you stock up on Hob Nobs and soap powder? The brilliant new Tesco spa"

"May be time to get that maternity bra...Pregnant singer Pink's cup runneth over"

"Where's Sienna when you need her? Keira Knightley parties without her fellow single sister"

"Before she was famous: Paris Hilton in old family picture with her Real Housewives aunt Kyle Richards"

"Oh no! They've shot Bieber! Justin meets a very bloody end on CSI"

I understand that there is an audience for articles like this, but I find it very depressing that this is all you can find in the section established for women. Funnily enough, we happen to be interested in other aspects of current affairs...

Speaking of TV...

2011-02-18T09:49:00.000-08:00

...am I the only one who doesn't fully understand the hype surrounding Big Fat Gypsy Weddings?

Sensationalism + Cooking

2011-02-18T09:01:00.001-08:00

I have a been a great fan of Masterchef through its course of broadcast on the BBC. Cookery programmes on TV continue to be so enticing for me, perhaps because I am mad about food, or because I am easily entertained.

So with great anticipation, I sat down to view the new series (there was even greater anticipation this year as I had to wait for it to load onto iPlayer). But I was not impressed. This is due to the revamped structure of the show, similar to that of the X Factor or Britain's Got Talent. Masterchef has unashamedly been cringingly dramatic in the past but now the TV producers have taken it to a new level. To create a supposed increase in tension, there is a greater focus on the personal lives of the amateurs whilst they cook alone in front of the judges in a dingy room which looks more suitable for a conference. This is then topped with a sensationalised announcement of the verdict. If they make it through to the next round they are awarded a Masterchef apron in an awkward ceremony. The apron becomes a symbol of the greatest imaginable achievement for the contestants who constantly claim that 'cooking is their life'. One amateur for instance begins to blub over the lumps in her mash potato, whilst she painfully pleads with the judges to take her to the next round as if the outcome of failure would result in a painful death. And in a similar fashion to the X Factor, friends and family tag along to the auditions for moral support and gush about how much their husband, wife, partner, son, best friend, daughter, mother, father, sister, brother, adopted mother or cousin twice removed 'deserves' this. It was then particularly painful to watch the lumpy mash potato lady bawl into the arms of her family, not because the situation was tragic, but because it had occurred to me how ridiculous tv competitions have become. Its a bloody cooking show, not Sophie's choice!!!!!!

It seems TV will continue to be dumbed down until every programme becomes an over sensationalised, emotional rollercoaster.

SO MUCH PAIN IN THE WORLD

2011-02-16T19:51:00.000-08:00

REGAIN YOUR FAITH

LOOK AT THIS PUPPY

Confess your sins...

2011-02-12T07:29:00.000-08:00

...on your iPhone. The Catholic Church approves of the £1.19 app.

Penitence has never been so convenient!

2011-02-11T09:40:00.000-08:00

Why is it that Yorkshire Teabags come in pairs? This just results in unnecessary tearing.

Courthouse Chic

2011-02-10T18:42:00.001-08:00

Celebs show us ordinary peeps how to stay on trend in the face of law and order!! Check these uber stylish superstars rockin' their courthouse looks!!!

Lindsay looked a bit frazzled in her court appearance in 2009, but the jacket is SASSY!!

Paris Hilton was the Legally Blonde star of the Las Vegas Courthouse. She kept it simple and chic in this outfit. You Go Girl!!

Naomi Campbell sizzled in her appearance at the Taylor trial. Apparently she was given some diamonds or something, lucky girl!!!

Pete Doherty always works the rocker look in his court appearances. Us girls can't resist a bad boy!!!! ;)

It was 2003 when Cheryl was on trial so she can be forgiven for looking a little scruffy. But you can still tell the nation's sweetheart lies under that blazer :)

10 O'clock Live

2011-02-10T15:29:00.001-08:00

The thing is...it's just a bit shit?

Over - Sexualisation of Pop

2011-02-07T04:47:00.000-08:00

As many people know, I am not overly keen on the representation of female popstars in recent music videos which are becoming more and more sexually charged. The Freedom of expression in our culture is all too often used by sleazy pop moguls to defend their highly successful business of selling sex to the masses.

Top Culprit of Crimes against Decency: Rihanna

One of the best selling female artists of the past year. Mainly for her insanely catchy songs, most of which I must admit I am a fan. But each of her pop hits are laced with strong sexual themes, most of which are explicitly expressed in her lyrics which leave little to the imagination. And most critically, these songs are accompanied by trashy videos. The idea of Female Empowerment is thrown around to defend the 'artistic' expression of artists such as Rihanna, seen to be romping around in PVC, eating banannas suggestively and singing 'chains and whips excite me'. I personally find it extremely embarrassing that a female artist cannot gain the necessary publicity for chart topping success without causing controversy with an overly sexualised and squalid video.

2011-02-06T16:14:00.000-08:00

Oh, say! can you see by the dawn's early light!!!!!!!

So this week's pub quiz was American themed in conjunction with the 2011 Superbowl. The final round of questions was centred around the ever so popular 'Bushisms'. The task: to decipher which ridiculous quotes and phrases the ex President did or did not utter. For this, the great quizmaster attempted a rather poor American accent which triggered some natives to heckle, 'YOUR ACCENT IS SHIT'. To which the young man replied, 'Well I am from Peckham'. Fantastic.

This round prompted me to consider how much entertainment we get from opposing a figure such as the President of America, and how this connates some kind of political engangement. As an anxiety teenager, I was one of many to hop on the bandwagon of Bush hate without the faintest idea of my own ideology's roots (mainly because I had no fixed ideology, only that of the wider public, or GREEN DAY). yeah that's right 'maybe i'm a faggot, another part of your redneck agenda' YEEaeAAh. I can't help but cringe now in looking back and realising how easily I was influenced; a poster comparing Bush to a monkey was enough to persuade me that I was anti-America. It was when i was older that I understood what it was about Bush's ideas and actions that I actually disliked.

I'm not defending Bush, he was a wally, I'm just observing how quickly you are swept into believing and supporting an idea you yourself have no knowledge of. And now, as an older, wiser person-harrharr-I would like to think that I can make my own mind up about these kind of matters.

So, in this new wave of Palin bashing, let us all focus on WHY this woman is branded as freakishly scary, seal-battering, tea pot hurdling bitch from hell rather than following some kind of fashionable opinion.

2011-01-22T11:53:00.001-08:00

"Lockets: they're alright. I guess they do the job."

The profound Silas Brown

2010-11-30T12:19:00.001-08:00

Can't help but notice that the Wikileaks scandal is ever so reminiscent of the film 'Mean Girls'...

Pictured: Julian Assange (left) and Regina George (right)

ohhhh woops, did I mix them up??

Feminism takes a hit...

2010-11-27T18:40:00.000-08:00

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/lifestyle/article-23901489-talulah-riley-how-to-marry-a-billionaire.do

Lets hope the poor girl remains blissfully ignorant of the trivial and vain sheen to the 'glamorous life'.

2010-11-06T17:33:00.001-07:00

How uncool is it to keep a blog?

On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd say 9.

HELL ON EARTH

2010-11-03T16:15:00.000-07:00

WATCH IT AT YOUR PERIL. DO NOT SMASH YOUR COMPUTER-IT IS AN INAMINATE OBJECT.

http://www.itv.com/itvplayer/video/?Filter=186696

Carol McGiffin is notably absent. Probably because so much evil in one room would cause the grounds to break beneath the bimbos, with ravaging flames consuming the ITV studio. The scene would be my Room 101.

Well bad at being an Adult...

2010-10-25T10:31:00.000-07:00

So went to the laundrette today for the first time since arriving at uni. Yeah I know its gross I waited so long, get over it.

First obstacle, change. Apparently you can't insert £10 notes into the dispensers. Begrudgingly went to the co-op to buy whatever was cheapest on the shelves, chocolate would do.

Second obstacle, my complete lack of any sense. Was under the impression that any kind of instructions were irrelevant to me and chose to ignore the step by step guide to using the machine.

Consequently put my £2 in the coin dispenser (step 3) before putting my clothes and washing powder in the machine (step 1 & 2). Essentially, I paid for an empty washing machine to whir for half an hour.

The Fall of Cheryl Cole

2010-10-22T15:30:00.000-07:00

Funny how you can be the nation's sweetheart one week and public enemy no. 1 the next. Cheryl Cole has experienced just that kind of transition. But of course it is to be expected, because the public are very quick to change the tides of opinion. I mean they quite happily forgot about Cheryl's racial assault on a cleaner in 2003. And since the X Factor is at the very core of our lives, Cheryl's every move, decision, gesture, skin tone has become subject to the utmost scrutiny.

It all began with the rejection of sweet little Gamu. Sweet Gamu who just wanted to make her mum proud, booted off so that fame hungry Katie Weasel could fulfil her dream to be a failed wannabe.

Right now, Cheryl is being dragged out in the tide. But we all know the tide must come back in. In fact I predict that she will be back on the unnecessarily high pedestal we have built for the princess soon enough. Right after the strategically scheduled interview with Piers Morgan this weekend, where she will once again become 'vulnerable'. Personally I hope that a very strong current will take her elsewhere; its a shambles that she could ever be the nation's sweetheart.

This is not so much an attack on Cheryl Cole, more of an attack on the general public. There are so many fantastic, strong, admirable women out in Britian, why must we idolise these uninspiring celebs?

Spaghetti and Marmite

2010-10-22T13:01:00.000-07:00

If you love spaghetti, and if you love marmite, it's time for you to merge the two together. Just tried it out and it was magical.

(Courtesy of Anna Del Conte)

Fuck you Hollywood

2010-10-22T10:11:00.000-07:00

I've had enough of Hollywood, constantly butting in on our celebrations of great work, only to steal the masterpiece and royally fuck it up.

'Let The Right One In' was one of my film highlights from last year, a truly beautiful story, which brought some style and originality to the vampire genre. To even categorise it into a genre feels wrong because there is just so much to this film. This is not your typical twilight rom com, or as I like to call it, soft porn for teenage girls. It is stunning, your heart will race, your heart will break, it is just divine! Sombre yet so sweet, frightening, comic at times, and mesmerising throughout.

Now 'Let Me In' is soon to be released, the Hollywood version of the film, set in New Mexico. I haven't seen the film so of course I cannot judge how good it is. But I know that they will never find a girl as hauntingly perfect as the original. Nor will it have such a rich setting as the eerie Swedish landscapes. But even if it was a great remake I find it disheartening that the original will now be overshadowed just because people are too ignorant to expand into world cinema. A Hollywood remake is entirely unnecessary, and I believe insulting to the original. So butt out you unimaginative, uninspired bastards.

If you haven't seen 'Let The Right One In', watch it! Don't give Hollywood the satisfaction of plagurising the genius of the Swedish original.

Plato

2010-10-17T15:41:00.000-07:00

Rediscovered this gem. Can't stop watching it, I'm entranced by how sinister it is.

Dinner

2010-10-17T14:57:00.000-07:00

2 x pack of minstrels

and a cheeky pack of maltesers for dessert

done.

Sterilising Drug Addicts

2010-10-17T14:09:00.000-07:00

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-11545519

Offer a drug addict to be sterilised with £200. This is nothing more than exploitation; the charity knows what the drug addict will inevitably spend the money on.

If this is an attempt to stamp out the problem of drug use then it is a pathetic and poor one. How about the charity uses this money to help the addict, not terminate his or her blood line.

Ambiguity

2010-10-12T05:18:00.000-07:00

Sussex University really do make the most ambiguous and vague threats..

Evidence of which can be found in our kitchen

YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED ON TO THE ROOF

and, i quote; "should you continue this practise there will be no alternative than to take the matter further"

Louis Theroux

2010-10-11T13:32:00.001-07:00

His documentaries are always so good.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00vcwfw/Louis_Theroux_Law_and_Disorder_in_Lagos/

Everyone should watch this

2010-10-04T12:05:00.000-07:00

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00v1ykr/Panorama_The_Secrets_of_Scientology/

Golden moment

John Sweeney: "its a sinister brainwashing cult"

Kirstie Alley: "how dare you, would you ever sit with a jew and tell them their religion was a cult?"

John Sweeney: "no"

The BT Epic Part II

2010-08-08T12:54:00.000-07:00

The BT campaign has continued since my last blog entry, which was over a year ago, developing new ways of surviving, like a cockroach with its many heads. And the plot thickens, as now YOU decide what happens next. That is right, you can vote whether Jane is preggers or not whilst you sort out your phone bill. I urge you to vote that she isn't as I forsee the adverts continuing as long as the child does if it is born.

http://www.vote.bt.com/

I'm back

2010-08-08T11:30:00.000-07:00

I haven't written anything for a while. Emotions such as hate and angst, that fuel my writing, have escaped me recently. This is because I have been traveling for the past few weeks having the time of my life. But now I am back in England, bitter that I am no longer seeing the world, I am ready to vent my grievances again.

Charitable Celebs

2010-06-17T09:49:00.000-07:00

For as long as celebrities have been public with their charitable work, cynics have emphasised the connection between self promotion and generosity. It is particularly irritating to see a celebrity endorse a charity that they are blatantly unaware of. Yes, this charitable celeb culture is very easy to attack (I just attacked it there), but does it really matter that celebrities gain any glory, or perhaps a dozen more magazine covers from making a donation to a charity their PR selected for them?

I would argue that it really doesn't matter. A utilitarian would agree with me. We shouldn't be so concerned with the celebrity or his or her intentions good or bad, but should focus on the consequences of celeb endorsement. Of course it is frustrating that Tyra Banks will get more praise than any aid worker will ever enjoy but celebrity charity endorsements are crucial for our celeb-heavy culture. For starters, celebrities have shown themselves as very effective in giving a charity the much needed publicity it needs and attracting the attention of the masses. They also encourage other celebs to follow suit, the celebs who realise this is an effective way to market a likeable identity to the public. The reality is that celebrities are today's role models. It is therefore their duty to have a positive influence on their keen followers.

I have ofcourse placed a grave stereotype on these charitable celebrities, and ofcourse there are those individuals who work very hard for their charities and care a great deal for their chosen causes. For the remaining celebrities whose actions revolve around self-promotion, we will just have to accept that along with their PR companies, they do not always have the best intentions at heart.

That said, watch Jude Law make a fool out of himself. hahahahahaha

Tolerance

2010-06-04T12:35:00.000-07:00

Tolerance is a tricky thing. Am I a hypocrite if I value tolerance but cannot tolerate certain views? Yes, probably. But recently when asked by a friend why I am civil to an individual with rather displeasing values, I reasoned my actions with something like this;

The individual is so intolerable of others that I want to be tolerant of him to make a point about tolerance.

Except, I can no longer tolerate his intolerance, let alone the continuing intolerance of others.

Trying too hard?

2010-05-15T04:56:00.000-07:00

Christina Aguilera has reinvented herself numerous times; from teen pop sweetheart to dreadlocked trash whore then to ghetto white chick, and then to 1940s jazz soul-singer. My favourite Aguilera was circa 'Dirrty'; the video for which could be one of the best ever made. This was when she was the ripe old age of 22, and underwent the standard transformation of innocent teen to sexual object. Except in Aguilera's case, 'Dirrty' skipped the subtleties and presented us with crotch-revealing leather pants. Amazing. When the video was first released I was ten years old and terrified. Nothing like breaking a taboo and plastering it over every music channel. Long live the music video.

Then she went through her other phases and everyone just got a little bored...and disinterested...mmm yawn.

After departing the music scene to give birth and stuff, Christina has made her comeback, rather like when a friend has been on holiday for an extended period of time, and they return and everything has changed so they go a bit nuts to grab everyone's attention. Well perhaps describing her as nuts is not quite appropriate, because I know exactly what she is trying to do and what possessed her to produce such a revolting video for her song 'I'm not myself tonight'. Christina was one of the recording artists to follow in the footsteps of Madonna in being open about her sexuality. And it seems that recently so many more of jumped on this bandwagon. Turns out being open about sexuality and demonstrating this in a videos sell..? Who'd have guessed.

She has come bearing the gift of great vulgarity. The video is just so ridiculous that you can smell her desperation, and doesn't seem to have a point or purpose other than to go with the obvious. It deals with Sadomasochism in the tackiest way possible, whilst Christina sings about taking shots, gosh! she is just so wild!

Her wardrobe choices are also complete duds. She makes the foolish mistake of donning the PVC-why do artists insist on wearing this dreadful material?? It seems to be a haphazard attempt to edge Aguilera out to the same extent that Lady Gaga did when she first stepped out on the scene. The problem is, no one likes a copy cat! Now, I am certainly not of the view that new mothers must have their freedom of expression confined to a kitchen, but romping around with a man in red underwear for your music video is shameful. I mean red underwear, nothing screams, 'I'm a skank' more than red underwear, and these clips are verging on soft porn.

Watch it for yourself and judge...

My top hated women of the moment

2010-04-13T12:18:00.000-07:00

This list is of course interchangeable, and new women will certainly enter this prestigious line up.

3. Tyra Banks

The reason I hold such disdain for Tyra Banks is that she attempts to deny the modelling industry of all that it is; shallow. She claims to know everything about anything, and can apparently relate to all women. Queen Tyra also maintains that she is some kind of hero for helping to repair the self-esteem of girls in her camp. Yet it is models like her that have promoted such an elevated concept of beauty, that it is near impossible for women to ever feel fully confident...hmmm

2. Carol Vorderman

She is obviously a smart woman, but like so many, her speedy entrance into politics has showed her up as an utter prat through her failed TV appearances. Vorderman was keen to pounce on hot topics such as John Venables when she appeared on Question Time a month or so ago, and did so in such a hysterical manner that the audience and panel just stared back in confusion. Making us cringe in such an extreme manner is enough to land Carol V at no. 2. No one should be subjected to such ignorance.

1. Carol McGiffin (I don't have any strong objection to the name Carol. These two Carols just happen to be awful)

Any woman who believes themselves as sexually liberated by broadcasting the intimate details of their sex life is quite clearly deluded. Her mindless and self-centered comments, along with her hoots over the slightest of sexual innuendos seem to dominate the circus that is 'Loose Women'. Her only kind of validation seems to be her toyboy boyfriend, as if she is the only mature women to ever shag a man more than fifteen years her younger. This is not to say that any of her fellow panelists contribute much. None of these women ever offer any profound insight into the life of the everyday women. Do us a favour ladies, and shut up. Stop shaming us all.

Sophie Louise Wheeler: "Loose Women makes me ashamed to be female"

2009-08-07T13:59:00.000-07:00

So I've completed my week with Haymarket publishing. During which, I was kept busy writing for both Event magazine and Marketing magazine.

Here are a few links to my stories which were published on the magazine websites.

www.marketingmagazine.co.uk/News/MostEmailed/925906/FSA-defends-report-organic-foods-nutritional-value

www.marketingmagazine.co.uk/News/MostEmailed/925881/WFCA-hired-promote-new-toy-range

www.eventmagazine.co.uk/News/MostEmailed/924889/Prestige-Scotland-scoops-Royal-Botanic-catering-brief

www.marketingmagazine.co.uk/News/MostEmailed/925916/Belts-beat-handbags-leading-fashion-accessory/

Catsuits

2009-06-22T12:33:00.000-07:00

It is a daring and provocative item, frequently appearing in film, TV and catwalks on the sculpted bodies of attractive females. This incredibly clingy garment was the source of cat woman's raw sex appeal, and the basis of Alexander Mc Queen's bedazzling get-up in his SS09 collection.

Playsuits and jumpsuits have already stormed the high street and now the catsuit has made its controversial entrance, happily offering itself as your second cotton/ nylon/ polyester skin. A little more modest than the PVC, sequinned, and lycra kind, the catsuit/ unitard can be found on the high street, in shops such as American Apparel.

Despite it's glamour, I was a little apprehensive about a catsuit entering my everyday wardrobe; alike most self conscious women, I am not usually a fan of head to to toe cling, and a camel toe is the ultimate fashion faux pas! Jumpsuits and playsuits do seem the safer option; they are a little more flattering and a little less exhibitionist. The catsuit seems to go against our fashion values and ideology dictated by the looming fashion police but since we are already donning jumpsuits and leggings, it seems appropriate that we evolve into the risque.

Festival 'Chic'

2009-06-03T13:27:00.000-07:00

As an online shopoholic, I have noticed a trend this summer across most retail websites and their special features; most have some form of page focusing on festivals.

Sure, we all want to dress like regal goddesses and float around like Nico at this year's festivals, but some of the suggested items insult any good reasoning I have. For instance, the 'Festival Shop' which can be found on ASOS, features a;

-100% silk Antick Batik Floral Kaftan, RRP: £205, (which will no doubt be stained with mud, beer and other unpleasant fluids)

-100% leather Tracy Zych Fringed Shoulder Bag, RRP: £565 (gorgeous bag but this will not hold you tent)

-Tales From The Earth Sterling Silver Coil bracelet, RRP: £130 (which will disappear down the long drop)

and a Catarzi Trilby, RRP; £45 (which will not be in your possession for long), to name but a few..

The reality of festival chic is that there is little chic to festivals. However, if I were to splash out on an item, it would be on a pair of these bad boys for a handsome price of £145.

The BT Epic

2009-05-19T09:31:00.000-07:00

The BT soap opera continues as Adam and Jane, or should I say Nick from 'My Family', and that woman from 'Spooks', prepare to write the next chapter of their dull lives. Yes, they are getting married, woop dee doo. The new BT adverts corresponding with this big change sees Jane blubber to her airhead gal pals, and Adam have a touching father-son moment over the, er, phone.

Several things spring to mind every time I am confronted by this advertising campaign;

1. Is there anything, literally ANYTHING, Kris Marshall can do to shrug off the character of Nick from 'My Family'?

2. What was Adam's 'dream job' which caused him to leave his one true love, his BT wireless broadband, behind?

3. What happened to the kids...? Perhaps they escaped to live with their real Dad...

4. Is the big Wedding Day going to be watched online by friends and family?

5. Where's the scandal? Having said that, Adam's 'jokes' are scandalous enough...

Take THIS Seriously, Seriously?

2009-05-19T08:37:00.000-07:00

Eurovision is our excuse to drink ourselves silly in celebration of the pop hits born out of the Europe we know and love. What spoilt this year’s Eurovision however was Britain’s lousy attempt to crawl out of the ditch of ‘nul points’, by calling in the The Lord, aka Andrew Lloyd Webber. Famous for his songs about cats and brightly coloured coats, this was the man to rescue us. Given the horribly naff title of ‘It’s My Time' , and paired with a pretty, run of the mill singer, Britain were geared up to win! The reality of our entry however, was that it was as memorable as that singer, oh what's her name, or his name...err...can't quite remember...

Why is it that Britain ignored the essential Eurovision elements of a winning song. First, a catchy tune is the only way of hammering Britain into the brains of people across Europe to such an extent that all they can do is dial under its merciless power. Don't get me wrong, 'It's My Time' could potentially get me bellowing after a few drinks, but it's just a bit blahh; ''There's nothing I'm afraid of/ I'll show you what I'm made of/ Show you all/ It's my time now'. If anything it makes me want to heckle my TV, 'I'll make up my own mind about when your time is!' Second, a costume can potentially win the competition alone; do you remember a gang of Finnish monsters winning the competition? Of course you do, I maintain that Lordi were the most deserving winners in the history of Eurovision. Finally, a touch of national pride and culture should be tactfully incorporated into the jingle. Britain's impatience simply radiates out of Lloyd Webber's ballad, consequently showing Britain's role in the competition to be one similar to a fun sponge at a uber hip European party.

Yes, our European buddies take this song competition very seriously, but that doesn't mean we have to! It's not the winning, it's the taking part that counts...oh dear, I just cringed, but it's true. The more Britain tries, the more tragic their attempts are. Sure, Daddy Wogan is no longer here to hold our hand and guide us through the mayhem that is Eurovision, but let us not dismiss it completely, just because this is a competition we will never, that's right, NEVER, win.